Today we took getting along with others more specifically. How did I and others like me learn to begin to get along with others? Not an overnight event. In fact it took time. Lots of time. And it took a complete change in attitude from someone like me. I had to learn to swallow my pride. To begin to deflate my ego. To change my thinking. To do things I had never done before. And all this because a man, who finds himself struggling with this in the program, asked for the experience of others with this matter.
Of course I learned that the answer is the same as it is for other problems we faced in this program. The solution is spiritual, even though it might appear to be material. And how did I learn that? The first thing I learned in here was that, if I didn’t want to drink again, I was going to have to find a way to begin to live a spiritual life. And, as I learned and had to begin to practice, I was going to have to surrender, surrender, surrender. Over and over again. Not once, as in that First Step, but in each and every Step thereafter.
I talked about that during the meeting and after the meeting, with new people and others, who had been sober quite a while in here. They all pointed out that it was pain, extreme discomfort, which brought about the surrender. Even prayer and meditation was an act of surrender for most of us.
This was especially true, when it came to what was in the way of beginning and then maintaining relationships with others. My character defects. The Sixth and Seven Steps. It wasn’t enough to have stopped drinking. I had to learn how to stop my selfish mixed reactions to others. Angry responses were going to have to stop. Resentments. Jealousy. Envy, And a whole lot more.
On the other side of the coin, I had to learn to let others have their own way, without my nagging or interference in what they chose to do. We had a few who pretty much said that about their families. They had to learn to mind their own business. I know exactly what they were saying.
And of course there was always that Tenth Step, where I had to learn over and over where I was wrong and learn not only to live with that, but to leave my judgment of others alone. It wasn’t any of my business.
After all this time am I done with all of this? Hardly. I mean I still have me to deal with on a daily basis. That self centered ego is still in my way. My character may have improved over time, but the defects are still there. Maybe not near as bad, as they once were. Nevertheless, when I get careless and lose my awareness of what is going on, I can still overreact. But, like I said, that’s why the Tenth is there.
Anyway, it was a healthy review today. Lots of people sharing almost did a Fourth and Fifth Step on this. It was a good meeting and a good reminder to keep our eyes and ears open. Not just to hear what was said in the meeting, but what goes on around us after we leave the meeting.