Today I was caught up in the subject of honesty. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.
From time to time I am reminded, as I was today, to go back and look at where I am with these things. Particularly honesty. That’s what was one of the things we concentrated on. How we can lie to ourselves and others. And, as I learned from listening to others, how an open mind can change all of that.
This, of course, brings the spiritual way of life into the picture. The presence of my Higher Power, when it comes to the one thing that came up again today. Self forgiveness. One of our members brought up what he had learned as a child. Something which compounded the lack of honesty in his life. That was when his father, when he was little, said to him that when he lied God was listening in. From that day forward guilt began to build within himself. And that was the same for me.
When I came into this program I was filled with guilt and remorse. I could barely think about forgiving myself. It took a very, very long time to finally get an open mind to clear away what was real and what wasn’t. The confusion in my mind, which grew gigantically over time from way back in childhood. Much like that friend of mine, who brought that thought up. What was true and what was false. And, when I began to go back, I found there was a lot of exaggeration of my faults. Guilt was a habit I had acquired over time, and it was difficult to separate the true from the false.
This is where the subject of growing along spiritual lines began to come in. Putting these Steps into action in my program. Especially, as time went along, particularly employing the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps in my life. Hopefully growing in faith and gratitude and practicing these principles in all of my affairs.
Enough. All I know is that this program has worked in almost every area of my life today. How much I owe to so many of the people I have grown to know over my years in this program. It was from my sponsor and those old timers, friends I grew to know and love, their introducing the spiritual life to me and opening the doors to freedom from the bondage of alcohol. Of course my faith and trust in my Higher Power. The miracle of the spiritual awakenings I have found in here. I am truly grateful.