One of the words, which bears a lot of meaning is the word “bondage”. There’s the bondage of alcohol. Complete slavery. That’s what nearly destroyed me and almost cost me my life. I never want to forget that. Freedom from the bondage of alcohol has changed my life and restored me to sanity. I’m sober today due to the benefits I have received from this program.
But there’s another bondage, which shows up in the Third Step prayer. The bondage of self. Slavery to myself. My ego. And it’s manifestation, as I learned from my sponsor, is in the form of my emotions. Anger, fear, anxiety, worry, self pity, and on and on. All my character defects or the way they display themselves. I know they really tore me down, after I got to this program. And they stayed around for a long time.
I have often talked about the emotions and their control over us and the way they exercise that control. The emotions assail our minds and take over our thinking and decision making. I know that the old timer Fr. Martin way back talked about placing our intellects over the emotions. Those old timers way back, when I came in, constantly would bring that up at meetings. The “I” over “E”, as they would say. My sponsor put it another way. I was told to think with my head and not my heart.
Applying these Twelve Steps to our lives is the beginning of a change in our self and the start of freedom from the bondage of self. The fact that this program can begin the total three way treatment of what is wrong with us, physically, mentally, and spiritually is the start of healing us. But the question is what am I willing to do? My part in all of this.
I was told early on that I was not responsible for my getting sober and into this program. However I was told that now I was here I had to become responsible for my sobriety and doing what was necessary to continue staying sober. Of course all of the suggestions I received along the line I found I needed to follow as best as I could. And, when it came to changing how I reacted to my self centered ego, I needed to find out how to begin to limit the control of my emotions over my life.
And that’s where I began to learn why the Second Step was so critical. I found it absolutely necessary to begin to live a spiritual way of living. Somehow, through this program I had to find a way to get restored to sanity, as far as alcohol is concerned. The spiritual awakening this program talks about. Or, as Dr. Carl Jung talked about in the chapter There Is A Solution in the BB, a spiritual experience. The results are the same. Sobriety will become a way of life.
However further down the road I have found it necessary to grow up. To become an adult, instead of the “child” I was when I came in at 42. I had to learn how to become emotionally mature, as Bill W. wrote about. And so many doctors and spiritual writers often spoke of. And as Dr. Peck and Fr. Thomas Keating wrote the answer is spiritual; it’s in the hands of our Higher Power. I found that I had to learn what it is I could do to begin to overcome this obstacle to sanity and my sobriety. I did and I found that it was not an over night experience. Like the sign over the door says, Time takes time.
Anyway I was thinking about this today, especially after we had that as the topic at the meeting. It was a subject, which had everyone talking about it after the meeting. Most were saying, what a great topic and all the wonderful things expressed today. I felt the same.
Just another example to us that this program really works, if I work it. Have to say how grateful I am that there is a place for someone like me where I can not only stop drinking and get sober, but also find a way to peace and happiness in my life. Beyond my wildest dreams. Never thought I would ever be able to say that. But there it is.