Sometimes I have to be reminded of something I definitely need to know. That there are times when I would be better off if I would ask for help, when it comes to making decisions. I was reminded of that tonight, when someone called me and related their thoughts to me. Certainly got my attention.
What was going on was that their emotions had taken over their thoughts and their actions. Fear, anxiety, anger, the whole shooting match was running their life. I listened and waited until in time they had emptied out the whole package. What it did for me was to remind me of what it was like in the past for me. Why I needed a sponsor. Why I needed friends in this program, who understood the alcoholic.
I couldn’t help but think about Bill W. and what he said in the Eighth Step in the 12&12 about the unconscious mind and how it twisted our personalities and damaged us. And what is it in the unconscious mind that does this? Our emotions. No wonder those old timers would talk about the I over the E. Intellect over the emotions. We come in here often overwhelmed by our emotions and they take possession of our minds and determine our actions. My sponsor would always tell me that I was to think with my head and not my heart. Later Bill W. would write about the need for alcoholics to mature emotionally. Easy to say and difficult to do.
Often we can find ourselves in an emotional state and not even be conscious of it until it is often too late or we find ourselves locked into that state. That’s when I need to know that I have to talk to someone and get the support and help someone like myself can give to me and help me get back on track. Or, as a friend of mine often says, to get out of the driver’s seat and move to the back of the bus. The Serenity Prayer.
Anyway I was glad that I had the opportunity to be reminded of the need to talk and to share with others. I know that I do, but it’s when stuff like this comes up that like so many I avoid help and feel I’m back in control. That’s when I desperately need to be able to turn that “control” over to my Higher Power. After all, this is all about staying sober. I don’t need to get myself into situations which could lead to that next drink. I might well convince myself that I’m above taking that next drink, but that’s exactly what this disease wants me to believe.
This program taught me that I need to be open and honest, if I want to stay sober. Prayer and meditation help, but so does sharing with someone like myself. It’s a reminder to me that I never want to drink again. That’s where getting open and talking can get me back in the right place.
I need to say thanks for what I have been given.