Last night I was with a group in a social event. And one of those outstanding gifts was apparent. I read about it later in the 12&12 in the Twelfth Step. And what was that? One of the great gifts we are given. Freedom from fear. I know that in my own life and saw it over and over again last night.
When I was out there drinking I was driven by fear, especially near the end of my drinking. In fact it was fear, the despair I suffered from, which was driving me to go and commit suicide. Thank my Higher Power that I was given hope. It changed me and I was able to pray and turn my will and my life over to God and this program. I got sober.
And then, when I came into this program, fear dominated me. I was fearful of others. This was especially true of the members I was exposed to in here. I avoided them as much as I could. Talk about paranoia. It drove me into my first sponsor, who didn’t hang around members, but who dragged me out on Twelve Step calls. Big deal back in those days. But he was the one which resentments drove back to drink and then death. Started a wake up call in me.
And then my second sponsor began the change in all of this. He introduced me to the Second Step, the spiritual way of life and a Higher Power. And this was the start of getting past fear in my life. It opened the door to the rest of the Steps. Each one held open my past way of life and thinking, which kept me on the road to fear. I began to get rid of these a day at a time. Didn’t happen overnight. Like they pointed out to me that time takes time. And it did. A long time in here.
But along the way I was given gifts, which introduced me to happiness, a more open life, a change in my thinking, peace of mind, and a more spiritual way of thinking and living. Hope, faith, and growing in love and affection. Caring about others, and focusing on them more than myself. Helping them as much as I could. And, of course the Twelfth Step.
As I get up each day, striving to focus on staying sober that one day only, I begin with prayer, and possibly mediation then, or later if something is in the way. But it’s an introduction to this spiritual way of life in here. Not perfect, but do-able. And I try to remember to practice remaining right where I am at the moment, and trying to avoid projection into the future, which can cause trouble, beginning with fear.
Anyway, I had to stop and think about all of this. Makes me grateful to my Higher Power, this program, and the people in it.