Had a talk with another member of long sobriety too. We both talked about praying and what we needed to say. But we also had some of the same problems. One, of course, was about humility. Not easy.
In the prayer of St. Francis in the 12&12, we both had the same sentence in our minds. The one which states that it is by self forgetting that one finds. For over active egos like we have, this just doesn’t happen. Takes a lot of having to concentrate. But even that doesn’t last. Kind of like what my sponsor and other old timers pointed out to me. That our defects are going to pop up and trip us up until the end.
It’s not always a blank. But it does take going back and being reminded of what I need to do. My mind tends to wander, even when I’m thinking about changing. Some mornings I will look in the mirror and tell myself, “You klutz, you’re nuts!”. At least it gets me laughing at myself. And often I get others to do that to me also. Laugh at me. I may be telling my story, and then end it with saying something making fun of myself. It reminds me that what I’m saying is what’s important. I’m not. I’m just another alcoholic like the rest.
And then we talked a little about the second sentence. About our forgiving others, and seeking to be forgiven ourselves. Still need to talk about both of these. Will do in time.
Anyway that’s what we were talking and thinking this morning. I know, so does he, that it’s part of seeking to live a spiritual life. Again, not easy. But I know, as does my friend, that we have to keep trying. And once again we need to remember why we’re here. To stay sober a day at a time. And that’s not just us, but us living a spiritual way of life. At least trying. And being grateful and thanking our Higher Power, the program itself, and those who have helped and continue to do so.