One of those subjects, which may cause a lot of problem subjects, came up today. That was when an alcoholic brought up the word “fear”. Probably not amazing that so many told us about their hard times with their fears. And it was not limited to “new” members. It was very clear, when a lot of others with time in here had the same problems.
I could very well understand what this was for so many. Been there myself. When I came in back in the beginning I was certainly hit with this hard emotion. I feared everyone and everything. And it was what drove me to stop drinking and willing to surrender to my Higher Power everything about myself. And I was relieved of my drinking alcohol. But when I walked in to this program, I feared not just the program, but the people in it. Plus I was shaky about my life out in the public. Tough.
Fears stuck with me for a long time in my being sober. However I found myself getting breaks and spaces in my inner life. As time went on and I began to grow, not just the program of the 12 Steps, but spiritually. I became dependent on my Higher Power and very grateful for what was happening.
The things, which began to help, were two things. One was my being able to step back in my spirit. I began to be able, from time to time, to sit in silence within, in my meditations. And the other was when I was presented with the opportunities to reach out and help alcoholics. It didn’t matter whether it was new people or those like myself. The beginning of compassion and eventually love came within me.
Anyway, over a long time in here I rarely ever have fear for things, which once effected me. All I know is that I have grown to have a sense of being happy and able to continue to laugh at my life today. I know all I have to do is begin each day to focus on my staying sober a day at a time. To be grateful for all I have been given by my Higher Power, this program, and all the people within it. Especially my old sponsor, his wife, and other old timers. And, of course all those in here currently, who have helped me along the way.