How easy it is to look around and know what is common, and yet never to think about ourselves. What is it that I mean? I mean I have, like a lot of others like myself, witnessed others in these rooms, who have come in and gone back out, come back in, and go back out again. And this over and over sometimes. Often. And some of the results are death. Do I stop and think, as the BB points out, that this could be me? Or does something in me deny this?
Today a friend of mine and I were talking about a couple of those in here, who have done exactly that. Gone back out and in and out and out and in. We both have witnessed fatalities as a result. I’ve seen this over and over in my time in here. However, do I ever think that this could happen to me? Or am I just a witness?
One of the things the BB points out to us is that there may come a time, when we will have no mental defense against that first drink. And is there any help from this? And the answer is our Higher Power.
I often have to go back and see that this almost happened to me one time. Talk about a lack of control! There I was, fully fixed that I was all right. I was sitting at dinner in restaurant with my in-law family. They were all drinking, but I wasn’t. I had been sober at least two years at that time and was very comfortable. After dinner the men and some of the women went into a store next door, where they knew the owner. He told them to open up the lockers and help themselves. They did and tossed a cola to me. They knew I was not drinking. I caught it and suddenly was filled with a rage. I was going to drink.
Fortunately I didn’t drink. That’s because my wife stepped up and asked me what was wrong and I told her. She simply told me that I needed to step outside and pray. I did, and it worked. I was given a freedom from the insane desperate need to drink again. I’m still grateful to my ex wife and the God of my understanding.
However that showed me something I desperately needed to know. And that is that I need to definitely dedicate myself each and every day in here to pray and dedicate myself in staying sober a day at a time. I always have to remember what was read to me at my first meeting in this program. I have been told the same thing by others in here. And that was the Jan. 6 page in the 24 Hour a day book, published back in 1954. I won’t quote it all. Just the thought that we must never forget the need to stay sober even for one minute. Not easy.
I am always grateful to be reminded of this each day. I have seen too many others, who went back out and so many, who died as a result. Others I have seen, who ended up in institutions because they had lost their minds. I know that I’m a human alcoholic and not a saint. I have to remind myself, or be reminded, that I need to pray and ask for help.
Anyway I am hopefully humbly grateful for this gift I have been given by the God of my understanding, and the old timers I have known, as well as those who have given me so much help over time. I need to reach out and help others, as best as I can. It helps me.