Talking to a fairly new person yesterday brought up a couple of things, which have affected me over time. And we were talking about the Fifth Step, which he was getting ready to talk to his sponsor. My first thought was what affected me and a number of those who I have talked with over time. And that is, no matter how definite we think we are in filling out, the truth is that over time we will run into a lot of things we forgot or failed to bring into this.
We compared that First Step with, not just the Fifth, but all of the rest of this program. The First is the only one I, and a lot of us, we could work perfectly. Total surrender. The rest are this and that. It’s because of our human alcoholic nature. Just like the BB and a lot of old timers would tell us. We’re not saints. Imperfect at best.
What I was thinking this morning was imperfection. In almost every thing in my life I can never think of being perfect. I may tell myself that this is what I’m aiming for. But the truth is that, no matter how much I believe I will try, the truth is that I may tell myself that I’m striving for perfection, but that’s just my thinking and not what is really going on.
I’m always made grateful by what happened back in the beginning of this program. My surrender to my Higher Power opened the door to freedom from alcohol. And then I came to realize and believe that my Higher Power can do for me what I can never do for myself. Like I was told I’m not a saint. I have to pray in that Third Step prayer to be relieved of the bondage of self. I know that’s still there. Yet, I hope and pray to that I can do what I need to do, in order to stay sober and live a spiritual way of life. I know that I am powerless and I have to believe and depend on the God of my understanding.
The amazing thing in my life is that I have found peace and a lot of happiness as the result of living sober a day at a time. Being able to step back and turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. Amazing. The spiritual awakening and the restoration to sanity is so overwhelming, it’s hard to describe. It just is and I owe so much to the God of my understanding, this program, and all the people in here, who have helped me. I am grateful and need to thank and express my love.