Being reminded of what it was that I had learned, which has helped me to stay sober. And that was how I had to change from who and what I was, when I was drinking. And this was the gift of my Higher Power and this program. Amazing. It has worked so far.
Again I had to go back and stop and listen to what my old sponsor told me. He said something I had to stop and learn. And that was that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. Sounds simple, but it was far more complicated than I could conceive.
I had to find things about myself that I never ever thought of. And then I had to stop and change everything that was tearing my life apart. I never even thought of this, and when I did, I didn’t want to know or to change. And yet there it was. And what was that?
It wasn’t really what I did. It was why. And what was that? It was my emotions. Not my thinking, and that was because, when my emotions took over, I couldn’t really think. They owned me. I only had to look at the BB and my first sponsor. My first sponsor had a resentment, which took him back out again. He drank and then he died. Another man I knew, who was sober about the same length of my sponsor, did the same thing with the same results. Like the BB said, resentments can get us drunk and then we die. A wake up call for me.
My old sponsor and those old timers pointed out to me what was wrong. It was so simple that I found it had to believe. And yet there it was. And what was that? How negative emotions can take over our lives. They can take over our minds and then our actions or reactions. Like those two alcoholics, it is possible to end up just like them. Others have shown us through time in here.
Feelings are one thing. Emotions are another. I can feel happy or sad. But I can still think and continue to live this life. Anger, rage, resentments, and the whole range of emotions can take over our minds and our actions, without our being able to control or change them…unless…
And this is where the program comes into lives like ours. If we are willing to practice this program of staying sober a day at a time. And, like my sponsor pointed out to me, begin by putting the Second Step into my life, after my surrender to give up my taking drinks of alcohol. And to also come to believe in a Power Greater than myself. My Higher Power. And then all the rest of these Steps. And to go to meetings on a regular basis. To get a sponsor and begin to listen to them and to practice this program with what I needed, guidance. To pray, meditate, and live a spiritual way of life and to step back from trying to run the world. To control life. To practice the Serenity Prayer.
I had to learn how to step back, whenever I was hit with these huge emotions. To pray and ask for help from my Higher Power. And, whenever possible to talk to someone with more sobriety than myself. Beginning with my Higher Power. To stay in the day and not project into the future, but to focus on right now. Not always possible and that’s when I had to stop my day and start it over again, from the negative to the positive. Over time I learned to laugh at myself and to begin to live a positive life. To come to know that I need to mind my own business and do what’s in front of me and not someone else. I’m not in charge.
The Ninth Step in the BB tells us that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And the Tenth, in the 12&12, tells us that whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with us. Not someone else.
Anyway, I need to stop and let go. I am grateful and need to thank my Higher Power, this Program, and all those, who have freely given to me. Thanks.