Today I got caught up in something which happened a couple of days ago. Someone I was close to suddenly died. It was that which began to mess up my thinking. Not just my thoughts, but it did give me a deep sadness, which I didn’t accept right away. And then this day it hit me very hard.
At our meeting today I could feel my slipping deeper into this kind of strong mental and spiritual reactions. Then, at the same time, I made sure to be willing to focus on my sobriety and not get caught up and blinded by my feelings. It made me to be sure I would ask my Higher Power to help me with all of this.
Finally I realized that before I went to our AA meeting that I had let myself come open to what I had been trying to avoid. And what was that? I let my daughter and my grand daughter open me up to experiencing the hidden sadness within me. It allowed me to let my Higher Power enter within me and to let go of the feelings I had closed off.
In the end I was grateful for my Higher Power and this program. I was once again aware that I am here to stay sober this day. Each and everyday. And I was being gifted with the faith, the hope, and the love I need. And, despite the loss, I was finally grateful for the gifts I have received from the God of my understanding, and the people who have freely given to me and helped me. So, when a new man and woman showed up at the meeting today, like so many others I was willing to reach out and express my thoughts and give them the compassion I learned in here.