Once again I found myself being reminded of what it is that can often make a sober alcoholic go back to drinking again. I have never forgotten my first sponsor and another alcoholic were made to go back to drinking again, because of their resentments. It was what forced me to surrender and find a new sponsor, who helped to change my way of life, which helped me to stay sober.
Over time in here, I was finally able to spend time studying the Tenth Step in the 12&12, which opened the door on my deep faults within me. The spiritual axiom in that Step made me aware of what was often the cause of my problems. Negative emotions, which could often take over my life. Resentments, anger, fear, hatred, dishonesty, and more.
When I found a spiritual way of life and a God, who became my Higher Power, in the Second Step, which my sponsor opened the door for me, I finally began to see what was wrong with my life. I was being pulled down deep within, while I was drinking, but after I stopped, I was dragged down by this stuff, when I came in here. It was my deep dishonesty, which was controlled by my negative emotions, which were running my mind.
My old sponsor and a lot of those old timers, began to show me how I could deal with these negative thoughts and turn them over. I was taught by them, over time in here, to begin to stop and start to think with sanity, and to start to stop them and end their control over myself.
I can remember how all this started to work for me. I had been studying the Tenth Step in the 12&12, and after lying to my young daughter, I was having dinner with some of my family, when I was driven into anger with a man across from me. I got up and left the table and went outside, when all of a sudden I realized that I was not angry with him, but myself, for having lied. That opened the door for me. I began to change.
Anyway, I was thinking of applying that spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step on a regular basis, to help control my negative emotions. It makes me grateful for trying to live a spiritual way of life. Kind of that prayer, part of which states, “relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better serve thee”. I have to thank my Higher Power for all he has given me, and the help I have received from my old sponsor, and all those in here, who have helped me.