I couldn’t help but think about this today. And that’s the program’s spiritual way of life in here. For this alcoholic, it has always been a little hard to practice each and everyday. That’s because, as the BB points out to us, we’re not saints. We’re human alcoholics. And I was told the truth by my sponsor and so many of those old timers. We can pray, meditate, continue to try to live this spiritual way of life, and then…we can bumble, stumble, and tumble. We have to learn to pick ourselves up and get back on track. And this they told me and demonstrated that this will continue on and off until we die.
I can well remember how difficult it was for me in this program to reach a state of acceptance and humility. That’s because, early on, as I was trying to learn to practice these Steps and the way of spirituality, I was still ego centered and not yet understanding that my Higher Power had put this program into my life, along with making me free of alcohol, and then helping me to be granted peace and happiness.
And then, with the help of my old sponsor and a lot of these old timers in here, I slowly began to learn to step back from my over-sized ego and my self centered personality. Like they said, time takes time. A lot of time for this alcoholic. And like I was told, I still bumble, stumble, and tumble from time to time. And I have to pray and ask for help, which comes from my Higher Power, and often the help of members like myself.
One of the great gifts I was given in here by, I think my Higher Power, and a lot of members, old and current, was a great sense of humor. I have learned to laugh at myself and not take myself seriously. My humor gives me a positive attitude. I know I can deal seriously with this program, but step back after offering it to others, and laugh at myself. I have a lot of respect for this program and what it has done for me and others. But I need to know how to step aside and not only laugh at myself, but then to be quiet.
Anyway, these thoughts were reminding me of why I am here to stay sober a day at a time. I’m here, I know, to be willing to freely give what was freely given to me. To have compassion and help others like myself, who need help, and to also Twelfth Step new members…if they want it. And to be open to being grateful to the God of my understanding for all the gifts I have received, and to also thank all those old timers and others, who have helped me along the way.