I was reminded of the 3rd Step again today. Someone mentioned their fears and the need for this step. It made me stop and think. What is it that keeps us stumbling and fumbling with faith and the fears, which tend to overwhelm us?
Maybe it has to do with my incessant need to think only of myself. Maybe it’s because I’m not really thinking of what that steps says to me. The BB and the 12&12 talks about willlingness. As long as I think of myself and my desires for immediate gratification, I cannot think of my higher power, the God of my understanding. I’m cut off, blinded, and deafened to any sort of help or grace from God. It’s not that God has moved away from me, but I have moved away from Him.
The result is that I get lost. I’m back to relying on my own strength again. I have forgotten that it’s me that is powerless. Like the BB says, lack of power is our dilemma. I can find myself disconnected from the group, the people who support me in my daily effort to maintain my sobriety. The result is fear and anger and frustration. My insufferable pride and arrogance keeps me stuck in a rut of my own making.
That’s when, no matter how many people I ask for help, I can’t hear what they’re saying. How many times in the past I have gone through this and risked the very real temptation of returning to insanity and drinking again. I don’t know how many times I have been told that the first thing to go in my sobriety is the spiritual connection I have to this program and God. Then I’m left only to my own thinking. And soon that will dissolve into insanity and then I’m left with hanging on by my fingernails to what sobriety is left to me. I’m cut off from the sunlight of the spirit.
I know the solution is to return to surrendering to my higher power, just as I did, when I first came to this program. I learned a long time ago that in spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone. How many times I’ve listened to and watched others, who have gone down this path and drank again, I don’t know. I know it’s been many more than I care to think about.
I know that all I have to do is to renew my connection and willingness to apply this program to my life each day. In other words, make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. The results are obvious. I have peace of mind, I’ve come to know the meaning of serenity. I have all the promises of this program in my life each day that I’m willing to do this. How simple this is. Only I can make it difficult.
I was thinking about this today and contemplating on how grateful I am for all those, who have continued to support me. as I walk this path of happy destiny. And all I have to do is to remain willing. The 3rd Step is the lost and found department.