I was reminded today that there are no easy answers. But, I was also reminded that I needed not to take myself so seriously, but to take this program and my alcoholism very seriously. Sometimes I find that I can get those two things mixed up.
A man, with chronic pain, wanted to talk about acceptance. He wanted to know how to accept his problem. He didn’t want to drink and he didn’t know how he was going to handle his situation. There was also another person, who had been sober a long time, but had stopped going to meetings and had gone back out and drank again. She said that she was bothered by people, who had at one time treated her with humor, who were now speaking to her too seriously. She felt that she didn’t want that serious attitude being applied to her alcoholism.
I was thinking how AA doesn’t always have answers for some of the things life hands us. Sometimes, as Bill suggested, we have to seek outside help, such as doctors or mental health counseling, a minister or a priest or a rabbi. Sometimes we need the help of an attorney or an accountant. But all these things we might need from outside the program are supplemental to the program. Our alcoholism is not cured, it is still active within us, and any of the situations, for which we need to seek help can lead us to a drink, if we fail to seek the proper resources available to us.
Nevertheless, I know from my own experiences, that I have to continue to treat my alcoholism on a daily basis in spite of what is going on with problems for which I have no immediate answers, by going to meetings, talking to other alcoholics, and trying to live a spiritual life. I know where untreated alcoholism will lead me. I’ve seen the results. I’ve seen people fall back into a drink and end up dying an alcoholic death. Their example has only served to make me redouble my effort to stay sober.
Acceptance for me began, when I first entered the doors of this program. I knew I had one of two choices. To accept my alcoholism and admit my being powerless over my drinking, and to accept the program as offered to me, or die an alcoholic death. I became willing to accept. But there was more to come. I had to learn that I didn’t have to like the things I had to accept. And that’s where the concept of humility was to come in.
I was going to have to learn the discipline of surrender, if I was going to stay sober. Bill W. tells us that the humility necessary to accept our alcoholism and do something about it was just the beginning. He tells us that, as we stay sober, we’re going to have to acquire more and more of humility in our lives. Ego deflation in depth. To become one with others. To learn that I’m not the be all and end all. I’m not all that important. I’m not in charge. I had to acquire a higher power and a faith in the God of my understanding. I had to accept that I am dependent on my higher power for the strength I need to stay sober. I can’t do it myself. I need help.
I was thinking that all of this is why I was at the meeting today. I needed to be reminded of these things and their importance to my staying sober. Not my importance, but what is first and foremost in my life. My primary purpose.