It’s funny how this program seems to work for me. I was thinking about a couple of things this morning and the 7th Step and change seemed to be coming up over and over again.
What kept repeating itself in my mind was take all of me both the good and the bad. That and “humbly”. Then Ella Fitzgerald singing.
Ella Fitzgerald sang a song, back in the 1940s about change. Her words were something like, There will be a change in the weather, A change in the scene, From now on there will be a change in me. My walk will be different, my talk and my name. Nothing about me will be the same.
Quite a change. Have I changed that much? I doubt it. But I have changed nevertheless. How much? That’s where the 7th Step slides in. In the 6th it tells us not to say “no never”, when it comes to getting rid of our defects or short comings. I pray on that 7th Step about some of these, especially anger and resentments. Often my prayers are answered. But I know that the next day they can reappear in a flash.
The BB tells me that my need for alcohol is relieved on a daily basis, contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Then it tells me that, if God could do this for me, how much more He can do. If the alcohol is gone for the day, I have to believe that, when I pray for help with my character defects, that their removal is just for the day, like the alcohol.
But, going back to the 6th Step, how ready am I to have my defects removed? All of them? Good question. I may tell myself, yes, but am I really? It’s my defects, which get in the way of change. My self centered-ness. My ego. And, what is the biggest lie, my feelings.
How I feel about things is often not the truth. My sponsor would always tell me that he didn’t give a damn about how I felt about anything. I found out from him that often, how I felt about things was a lie. My feelings can change in a heart beat. I was constantly feeling that others were treating me badly. Really? I felt cheated? Really? Was that the truth?
Then he would ask me what I was thinking. That’s where the truth of me began to come out. What a trip this has been.
Anyway, this is some of what I was thinking this morning. And when I think of how imperfectly I have worked this program, especially these two Steps, 6&7. It makes me wonder how I am still sober. Then it makes me think that I’m sober in spite of myself. It’s my higher power, who is doing all of this. That and all those people around me. Alcoholics, just like me.