Rough, smooth, rough, smooth. The life of this alcoholic. Probably all sober alcoholics. Good stuff and not so good. But happy and with the joy of living.
The difference, as I can see, between the lives of those not alcoholic and the alcoholic striving to live a sober life, is what was wrong with someone like me.
I remember my sponsor, when I came in, describing me. Insecure, immature, and oversensitive. With that kind of makeup, trying to deal with life, without alcohol, was not always easy. Plus, I came in here with alcohol insanity.Besides, I had no idea how to handle life. My life could have been smooth as silk, but, in my mind, it would still have been too rough.
As, I write this, I was thinking about the new guy or gal just walking through the doors. Through them is the beginning of the joy Bill talks about in the 12th Step. Trying to bring the message of the solution to these people. People just like me.Insecure, immature, and oversensitive.
As I thought about them I saw a host of people in my mind, whom I have met over time. Some coming through the door, just like me, closed up like a clam. Not revealing anything about me. A habit I had grown up with and was welded into place through my alcoholic drinking. No one could reach me, nor me them.It took the crushing blow of my alcoholic bottom to begin to crack that shell around me and beginning to become honest
Hopefully, my own experiences, where I was forced by sheer pain into becoming willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober, will help the new person to identify. Perhaps to find the hope I found.
Today I find I can enjoy this sober way of living. This despite how I might feel or think. All of this due to the beginning I was given by my sponsor and those old timers. They not only changed my life, they saved it. Maybe, just maybe I can do the same for someone like myself.