This morning something occurred to me. For the most part I was not someone, who was good at following directions. I don’t think I’m the first alcoholic, who could claim that as an individual distinction. From what I have heard in here, it’s not a novel idea.
I can well remember that in the past that whenever I had a task, which required reading and following directions, I would throw them aside and proceed without them. Of course the outcome was often the same. A botched job. That would inevitably anger me. Frustrate me. Instead of taking the blame for my sloppy methods, I would simply pick up a drink and that would satisfy me. Of course not the others, who had expectations of a job well done.
Then I got sober and came to this program. Guess what? I was told by my sponsor, that when all else fails, follow directions. That was difficult for me. I griped and groused around. What did they expect of me? Yet, I knew that if I wanted to stay sober, I was going to have to change my mind and my way of doing things.
And then I was handed the BB. A book of directions! As much as it irritated me, I sat down and began to read. What a revelation. It contained things about me. On almost every page there was something I could Identify with. It was me over and over again. Not only that, but it was about things which could fix me. This time I might be able not to botch the job. In a way it kind scared me, because if I botched this job I might wake up dead. Dead drunk is an apt phrase.
Anyway, it worked, as it has for millions of alcoholics like myself. How could it not work? I know I wanted to get sober and I was told that if I wanted it bad enough I would get sober and stay sober. That’s what happened. Of course I was told that if I didn’t want it that I would get drunk again. But the directions worked. For me.
As I thought about my habit of not following directions, I kind of laughed. Probably because out of gratitude. Who wouldn’t be grateful for a second chance at life? I mean, that’s what it was for me. I got another chance, when death was inevitable from my drinking.
I was directed to the solution, beginning with that 2nd Step. Came to believe in a power greater than myself. It was right there in that book of directions and went on from there to the restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening. The result is that I’m still here. I learned to follow directions the hard way. Pain and suffering drove me to it. I look back at my bottom in gratitude. Pure gold. I always want to remember what it was that got me to follow directions for literally the first time in my life. It opened the door to willingness.