Every now and then I pick up the BB and take a look back into the stories. This afternoon I did that and was impressed with what I had read.
The story was The Man Who Mastered Fear. I have often thought of what he had written, particularly that one thought of his he describes, after he had prayed, taken a nap, and woke up to a new world. He said, Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed.
I wonder if that happened to so many of us in this program. I know it did for me. I completely understood what he had said. Having prayed and found that though the world was still the same, I wasn’t. Having found a higher power, having asked for help, I changed. I changed from someone, who was powerless over alcohol to someone, who no longer thought about a drink, didn’t want to drink, and wanted to get sober.
Change to me is what this program is all about. I know the miracle for me is that, not only was I freed from the slavery alcohol held me in, I actually began to be able to learn to think differently and act differently. That all happened because I believe that my higher power got me into this program. I was hopeless and helpless, but there I was at my first meeting in spite of myself. And that’s when the change began.
In talking with an old friend of mine today, she told me how she had been asked by a woman with 30 years in to sponsor her. She said that the next day they were having breakfast together and they talked about the 1st Step. That struck me. Both of these women with so much time between them and their new relationship started at the very beginning with what changed us all. The surrender which gave us the victory over alcohol. What a beginning.
Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. Alcohol is still out there, but in a sense we’re in here no longer relating to that past way of life. Freed, as it were, from the bondage of self, as well as alcohol. And I believe we’re still changing. I know I am still in process.
When I think about it, I know that I still have a lot of changes to make. I’m far from done and probably never will be. I know that those beginning changes were profound. But I also know that echoes from my past still come back and I’m driven by their pain to surrender once more. And, when I do, when I’m able to let go and let God, my life gets better. Better because of the changes.
Anyway, I’m glad I took the time to sit down and read this man’s story. It still has a deep impression on my thinking. Also happy that I got the opportunity to talk to my dear friend and be reminded of what started all these changes.