A question was raised by one of our members. How do you handle reactions? That brought up a number of Steps. But what it brought up to me and some others about our emotions and the next drink.
A number of people went back in their histories drinking and then brought it forward up to today. Many confessed that though they had changed through the 12 Steps, some of the old ideas and reactions still popped up.
My initial thoughts were about two things. One was the 10th Step, the spiritual axiom: that whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. That has been a useful thought over the years. It has often stopped me cold and prevented me from reacting.
The second thought was what my sponsor often said to me. Think with your head and not your heart. In other words pay attention and don’t let my emotions take over. I know that once my emotions take over I can’t think rationally. They’re in control. Particularly anger, leading to resentments.
How well I have done with this is better than I used to deal with my emotions. At times I have failed, but like my sponsor urged me to do, I keep on trying and am not about to stop. It’s a matter of discipline. The very thing Bill told us we lack. Self discipline. And my problem with that is that the self, me, is always getting in my way.
The solution to all of this is the same; it’s spiritual. A dependence on my higher power. My problem with alcohol has been solved a day at a time. Many spoke about the relief they got from the 12 Steps. However they all said that our character defects were still there and that’s where the problem with reactions rest. And that’s where they talked about their higher power. Me too. Starting with that 2nd Step, the need to be restored to sanity.
I know that it all begins with learning to keep my mouth shut and my hands in my pockets, as I was told by those old timers. To take a deep breath and step back. To get out of the way of my onrushing emotions. The old “I” over the “E” those old timers used to talk about. Intellect over the emotions. I know it’s possible, because it has worked for me. Not always perfectly, as I said, but much much better than it was before.
I know where anger and resentments can take us. The BB tells us that and I have seen the results of this over and over through the years. Alcoholics going back out and getting drunk again. That’s not where I want to go. That’s why, when this subject came up I really wanted to hear what others had to say. I need to learn more and more so that I can continue down this path I’m on.
It’s always about sobriety. I love this way of life.