Binges and hangovers? Wait a minute. I’m sober and not drinking anymore. How can I be binging and getting hangovers as a result? Is that possible?
Bill W. talks about that in the 10th Step in the 12&12. How our emotions can take over and it’s just like we’re drunk again. Anger, lust, jealousy, resentments, self pity, self-centeredness; our emotions taking over our heads and our good judgement is gone. Our reason is gone.
And that’s followed up, when we finally get our heads clear, with an emotional hangover. We can feel just as bad, as a result of self will run riot. It can last for days.
A friend of mine and I were talking about this after the meeting today. We talked about the need on our part to grow up emotionally. To stay aware of what is going on around us and not to get pulled into these emotional traps. Like my sponsor used to tell me: use your head, that’s why it’s on your shoulders. To begin with, mind your own business. Someone else’s problems are not yours. You’re powerless.
My sponsor and others made me aware that I could protect myself from being overwhelmed by my emotions. The old intellect over emotions that the old timers used to tell us. And that has worked for the most part. But once I forget, once I lose awareness and am not paying attention, then I’m in a position to lose my temper, to get a resentment, to feel I’ve been wronged, to start feeling sorry for myself. I become the center of attention in my own head. My ego begins to swell and my pride has been injured. Or I can lose my way in the changes I have made and drift back into areas that I need to stay away from…if I want to stay sober.
There are a host of these traps in my sober life. And, as the BB points out, the price of sobriety is eternal vigilance. True, I believe that the 2nd Step was fulfilled in the spiritual awakening I had as the result of working these 12 Steps. The insanity of drinking alcohol was removed. But my character defects? They’re still hanging around. When I forget or I start playing around with them, I find that I’m ripe for an emotional binge again. And who knows where that will lead? Truth is I may not be thinking of a drink, but I have to remember I’m not cured of this disease.
Anyway, it’s the Steps that can keep me on track, or get me back on track, when I trip and fall down. I have to learn what I have been taught in here. To use these Steps to pick myself up and get back on track. To talk to another sober alcoholic and tell him or her, where I am and what’s going on and then listen to their experiences with the same thing that tripped me up.
But I can’t forget my Higher Power. That 11th Step. Getting open to the help I need to live this sober life. Turning my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. Whatever makes sense to me. And to be grateful for the help I receive from my fellow alcoholics in here and from my higher power. And to remember, no matter how long I have been sober, I still need help. I always will. But I’m never alone.