One of the things I never hear much about is one word, which has carried me through the good and rough times in this program. It’s something I learned from my sponsor. I don’t exactly remember how he put it to me, but the word, as I know it, is “perseverance”.
In the beginning and for a lot of years after, that word has carried me forward. Trying to remember his words to me, I think he said “never give up”. I do remember him telling me that I had to be like a bulldog. Gritting my teeth and hanging on. After all, nothing is worth a drink today.
I listen to people, who are having a hard time. Problems and feelings, and emotions. I believe everyone has their moments in this life, when things like change, changes we don’t like, come along. And it causes us pain. I know it has done that to me. When I balk at something I don’t want to do or accept. But, if I persevere, I find that eventually I will get through it. Usually the pain causes me to surrender and accept. And then the relief comes.
So far I think I have gone through a host of experiences in this program. Like I said, the good and the bad times. For a long time I was on that emotional roller coaster. Up and down. Feeling good and then bad. Happy then sad. But through it all there was my sponsor, telling me to hang in and ride it out. I did. I still do.
The solution to all of what I have had to face is spiritual in nature. A dependency on my Higher Power. Even when He seemed to be out of reach. Never giving up and somehow finding hope through it all. And then, when relief would come, faith would be secured.
All of this was supported by the people in this fellowship. Not just by their words, but by their examples. Learning to go to meetings no matter what. Listening, even when I didn’t want to. And practicing these 12 Steps and the principles in all of my affairs, even when I didn’t feel like it.
The result has been that I’m still sober and know that this has been the best thing that ever happened to me. I have developed that thick skin they told me I would need to change me from that insecure, immature, and oversensitive person I brought into these rooms. However, I still have my ego. Maybe not as much as when I came in. But still. My character defects. Maybe not as bad. Particularly my pride or false pride. Nothing is perfect or ever will be.
Perseverance was born in me, when I finally was able to accept that I was indeed powerless over alcohol. That surrender I came to at the end of my drinking. The knowledge I received that for me to drink was to die. I never want to go back there ever again, so I know that with the help of my Higher Power I am committed to this program and all it has offered to me.