Talking to a man yesterday, who was “coming back”, he told me that he had found himself in a black hole. And that reminded me of when I came in.
It’s something I never want to forget for several reasons. One is that it convinced me I never wanted to drink again. Ever. I was in that black hole because I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I had tried. I was in total despair.
The other thing was my Higher Power. On that last day drinking a man asked me if I wanted to get sober. I don’t know where that answer from me came from, but I said, more than anything else in life. ??? Talk about out of the blue. Anyway, he then said that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together and that if I wanted to go there he would take me.
At that moment I saw that black hole within, because a light went off inside of me. I always thought the word “hope” came to mind. I had found hope for the first time in many years of living that life I was living in the hell of drinking. Somehow I had the sensation that my drinking life was coming to an end. I have no idea where all this was coming from, but I look back and think it was my Higher Power.
As I talked to that man yesterday I was thinking that I hoped he had found his bottom at last. That in the blackness within maybe he too would find the light of hope that there was an answer. That maybe he too would connect to a Higher Power within and open the door to sobriety.
I don’t know really, but I often get this hope that chronic alcoholics like myself can find their way into this program, just as I did. I needed help. I couldn’t do it alone. And I got that help.
Anyway, I was talking to another friend today about running into this man and my reaction. Later I sat down and thought about all of this. And what struck me most was the thought of the entrance of my Higher Power into my life. The beginning of that spiritual awakening, which would restore me to the sanity of sobriety. The relief from the bondage of alcohol. And I couldn’t help but think of the gratitude that I owe my Higher Power and all those men and women I was introduced to, who helped me begin this way of life. That’s what I hope for that man.