At the meeting today we talked about gratitude and the 11th Step. Appropriate, if I want to stay sober. And I do.
That’s what led me to think, where am I?
I mean I am grateful for my sobriety and this program. Truly. It’s the best thing that ever happened in my life. And in those who were talking about this today, much the same thing, and the effect these 12 Steps had on their lives. Moreover, still working these Steps in their lives.
I know I tell myself I am doing the same thing. But am I? I had to step back and take a look. I don’t think I’m always consciously doing these Steps, but maybe I am. I went back to the 1st Step, glanced over it. Then the 2nd and the 3rd. The same.
I took a quick look at the rest and something struck me. Something I heard many years ago. One old timer and then a number of others talked about this very thing. That over time the Steps all become one thing. They no longer have numbers, but are still there. It’s just that over time we find we’re doing them everyday. They become a part of us.
Even, when I back off my thinking, I know I can identify each and every one of them most days. I stopped and thought about my early morning thinking and remember that I sometimes run to 6 and 7. Sometimes 10. 11 definitely. And on and on. At night, before I go to sleep I read something from the literature. Been doing all this stuff for years and really never stop to think about it, unless someone brings it up to me in a meeting, or a phone call, or just talking to members before and after meetings.
Second nature now. Like I said, I think they become part of us. And that made me grateful to think that the Program has become a part of me and me a part of it. I never want to forget why I came here and what sobriety is all about.
Anyway, I’m glad that I stopped and questioned myself. There’s more, but this is enough for now. I think I know where I am. I checked it out with another sober alcoholic with a lot of time after the meeting.
Oh, yeah. I forgot one of the most important Steps. The 12th. That comes almost everyday. If not at the meetings, sometimes after. Sometimes on the phone. I talk to and share with a lot of people. I know at the times I do, I’m not thinking about me. I don’t always know what others get out of these encounters, but I know what I receive. Gratitude and peace of mind. It’s a reminder to me that the spiritual life is not a theory. We’re living it. Keeping our sobriety by giving it away.