The Serenity Prayer and the 11th Step were a perfect fit today. Control vs. Acceptance was what came out of it today.
When it says that grant that I may accept, do I? That keeps coming back in my mind. There are so many things I don’t want to accept that I can’t change them. There is this streak in me that wants to force the issue, even though I know there’s no way I can. No matter how hard I try. Talk about the need to be restored to sanity.
The feedback from members today pretty much went the same way. The struggle to surrender and accept things that we don’t want to accept. And the consequences that come about in refusing to do so.
It’s pretty much a question of my ego, my self centered pride, going against my Higher Power. Is that crazy or what? I know better, as did others talking about this. But there is that thing in a lot of us that just does not want to surrender and accept what I don’t like.
And that’s where the 11th Step comes in. Not just the struggle to meditate and pray, but what it says. Seeking only knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. I mean in the morning, when I pray and attempt meditation, everything seems all right. But as the day goes on and things happen and my will starts to take over, it sometimes becomes a struggle not to push things to the very edge. Resisting the grace I have been given.
That’s when the reminder of our primary purpose can begin to play a big role in my life. To stay sober and help another alcoholic. When I hear that or read it, my mind goes back to why I came here, and what happened as a result. I got sober. Or better yet, I was gifted with my sobriety by my Higher Power. Then gratitude begins to come back and a realization how much I owe to this program and my Higher Power.
It is also a reminder of what I was told by my sponsor. Never to quit. To keep on trying in spite of myself. To persevere and go on no matter what. It’s amazing to me that I can get so wrapped up in myself and yet here comes all this stuff I learned in here to bring me back to peace and serenity within.
That was the result of the meeting today. Despite what everyone was saying about their struggles and my thoughts about that, the end result was that I was at peace with myself and pretty much filled with acceptance. All because I did get sober and I want to stay sober.