Then and now. What was it like, when we were drinking and what is it like now? The subject of today’s meeting.
I listened to others speak and something became clear to me. It was like the words in the subject were reversed from “then and now” to “now and then”.
I guess it was because we were also talking about the 6th Step. Our character defects. Always, when I think about this Step, it serves as a reminder to me that although I may have been restored to sanity, as far as my alcohol is concerned, I still have the crazies from my character defects. They’re there, when I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning. And I need whatever help I can get just so that I can keep from going back to “then”.
I was talking to a couple of people afterward, who reminded me of what it was like for me early on in the program. Probably like them I really hadn’t grasped just what was wrong with me. The alcohol problem I had was clear to me. But the rest was confusingly hidden from my mind. I really didn’t realize that it wasn’t just the alcohol in my alcoholism, but that I was sick mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The impact of that didn’t hit me for a few years after I came in. I mean the realization.
The three “T’s”, as someone pointed out to me recently. Time Takes Time. And it does, as I came to realize. As the BB points out in the 5th Chapter, How It Works, at some of these we balked. At some? In my case I think it was at “all” of these. I wasn’t drinking, but I sure wasn’t well. It took time, even when I did begin to put these Steps into action. I definitely needed the help of my Higher Power and the sober people in here to get me through my difficulties. How grateful I am for all the patience I received.
So, as I listened today, when people reflected on their defects in action, what it was like before and what it’s like now, it reminded me of two steps forward and one step back. We practice this program, but it certainly isn’t perfect. And, I know in my case, it never will be. I have to have patience and some tolerance with myself. I have to constantly go back and ask my Higher Power for help and get the help from the people in the meeting and outside. Entirely ready…not so far.
Anyway, it made me glad that I’m sober today and that this is just a day at a time. It also made me glad that I’m not alone. The hand of help is just a seat away from me.