The idea of responsibility popped into my head, as a friend of mine came over and talked this afternoon. Why responsibility? Several reasons. One of which came up last night in another conversation. And then there was Dr. Bob’s story from the BB, which we read at a meeting last night. And his statements on how much he owed to Bill W. for helping him get sober. He felt responsible to return what he felt he had been given, by working with others, as Bill had with him.
I remember my sponsor telling me that despite my drinking, I was still responsible for my actions. My making amends to those I had harmed. And he also echoed what Dr. Bob had said about helping others. I am responsible.
How’s that for an alcoholic, who was totally irresponsible, while I was out there? Though there were probably times, when I had to face up to caring for my children, for the most part I rarely thought of what it was that I was supposed to be doing.
But all that has changed, thanks to this program. It was part of what I had to learn, when I was trying to find out how to live. Something I had not a clue about, when I came into the program. Due in part to my insanity from drinking alcohol, but in a large part from the unmanageable life I had, as stated in the 1st Step. I never had an argument about that Step. I knew I was powerless and my life was totally unmanageable.
Then there is the 10th Step. I am responsible for my out of line thinking and actions. I think the spiritual axiom spells out that responsibility. Whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. It’s my responsibility to discover where I am wrong, rather than writing it off and blaming and resenting someone else. Over time I have gotten better with this aspect of my sobriety.
Still imperfect though. But my job is to keep working on it.
I am responsible for not picking up that first drink. I know that it’s my Higher Power, with the help of many others which keeps me sober and on track. On track most of the time I think. That 3rd Step, where I turn my life and my will over to the care of the God of my understanding, is another example. I’m still responsible for making the decisions and choices. And the wrong decisions or choices makes me face the consequences of self will run riot. Or, as one man put it, it turns his life into hell. Oh, yes. Lets me know, when I have failed to do God’s will.
And, of course, there is the 12th Step. Working with others and trying to practice these principles in all of my affairs. For that too I am responsible.
Anyway, It’s good for me to stop and consider the word responsibility. A lot to think about. There’s more than what I mentioned, but this is enough for now. If I want to continue to stay sober, it’s my job to accept responsibility. Not ever easy, but I have to keep on trying.