A couple of things reminded me of control. My wanting to control things. I won’t go into them, but they did bring to mind that part of me that wants to take charge.
I recall reading one man, who said that he was working to do God’s will for him. And, when he felt the was doing this, he experienced peace of mind and was in a good place. But he said that when he took charge again and was running things his life would go to hell.
In talking to one person today I was made to recall that lack of power was my dilemma, when I came here. I needed a power greater than myself to empower me to lead life. And I found that power in here. My Higher Power. I was powerless over alcohol. I had no control and needed to be restored to sanity. Working these 12 Steps brought about a spiritual awakening and I was restored to sanity.
I also learned in here that I was powerless over people, places, and things. When I say that Serenity Prayer it covers that for me. The things I cannot change. I have to learn to accept these and turn them over to my Higher Power and let go. I know there are things that I can change, but I need to get honest and get direction and encouragement to make these changes, if they’re possible.
If I want to get perspective on this, all I have to do is stop and ask myself how many times I have been able to change other people’s minds. The answer is none.
Now, here is where I often fall short. When I forget or con myself into thinking that those things I cannot change are within my power, I want to take over and that’s always a mistake. Experience has taught me this, but my pride and ego, my self centered thinking takes control and I’m off to the races.
It’s not as bad as it used to be. But it can get me into conflicts I should avoid. I get disturbed and I want to react, when I should be minding my own business. How often I’m driven back to the 10th Step to look at where I was wrong. Over time I have learned to practice keeping my mouth shut and not arguing. Avoiding other people’s problems, things outside of my control, and walking away. When I do I can let go and let God. And I’m at peace with myself. But there are moments, when I forget.
That’s where the 3rd Step prayer comes in every morning to remind me of Who’s in charge. And the 11th Step, seeking His will for us and the power to carry it out. That’s how I try to start my day. Always remembering that I’m an alcoholic and need help to stay sober and trying to think about what has worked in my life to keep me sober. And then go to a meeting.