One of my friends asked me today, do we ever grow up? When I stop and think about it, I wonder if we ever will. Like the famous anthropologist Ashley Montague once said, that of all the animals in the animal kingdom man has the longest childhood. It lasts from birth to death.
Then we talked about what keeps us that way. And, as far as I can see with this alcoholic, it’s our self centered thinking. As I’ve heard many alcoholics say, “It’s all about me.” I’m always tripping over me.
Bill W. often talked about this. He even went so far as to point out that we can overcome this defect, when we’re working with others. It’s a moment in our lives, when we’re thinking of someone else rather than ourselves. I’ve heard about this many, many times. Over and over. About the only way it seems I have is to work with others. I’m free of me in those moments.
In fact, I had a number of conversations, today and this past week about just this subject. Our self centered thinking. How we can get free of it and when do we begin to grow up and mature? I’m not the one with the answers to this. I have my own struggles. I remember a woman friend of mine, who had over 50 some years, saying she was still learning about this.
Of course to me the answer is spiritual. If I can get out of my way and depend on my Higher Power. If I can develop some degree of humility. And, as another friend of mine and I agreed that takes discipline. Self discipline. Something I’m still trying to learn.
Why is this so important to someone like me? A chronic alcoholic, who by the grace of my Higher Power and the help of so many fellow members am still sober? It’s because my self centered egotistical thinking is fertile ground for my character defects.
That Serenity Prayer is certainly a test for me. When I ask God for the serenity to accept what I can’t change, have no power over, guess what? I often find myself not accepting, hardly tolerating, and still trying to figure out what it is I can do. Me. Is that nuts? Again childlike thinking. Childish thinking.
Going back to the 12&12 again, that statement in the 5th Step, that in spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone. Like the men, who came and talked to me about this this week, they weren’t keeping it to themselves. They were sharing. The way to cut the problem down to a minimum. A start. For me and for others.
Of course Bill and others have talked about one of the most important aspects. Emotional maturity. Learning to sidestep our emotions. Not giving into them and learning to put them under control. As I said many times, back, when I came in, and for years the old timers would talk about putting the intellect over the emotions. “I” over “E”, was often mentioned. I don’t hear that very often now, but it’s still valid.
Spiritual writers have talked about this. Protecting our minds from being overwhelmed by emotions. When we give in to our emotions, they take charge of our thinking. I’m no longer in control. And I have to think, when that’s true almost anything can happen. And that includes a drink of alcohol.
So, like I said about discipline, I have to practice this often. As my sponsor used to remind me, to think with my head and not my heart. I’m still learning it’s true. But I know that I will never stop trying to grow along spiritual lines. I know I will keep trying to discipline myself to do better. Like my sponsor told me years ago, never quit. Keep on trying.
No matter what, it’s still all about sobriety. And that’s my goal everyday.