One of those things I think about from time to time is just how I got here to this program. In fact, on the way home today, another alcoholic and I talked about this. He felt the same way. Never wanted to forget and never wanted to drink again. Me either.
The reason all of this came up today was a young man, who had slipped. His story, like all is the same one we are exposed to every time someone goes back and drinks again. It’s in the BB under More About Alcoholism. There may come a time in the life of an alcoholic, when he’ll have no defense against that first drink. And what’s so common in all of these is what it said next. About how we need to depend on our Higher Power…and don’t.
We both went to the chapter There Is A Solution. What Jung said to the man. “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic.” And, of course, that was me. As it was my friend, as he said. Then he said that he had never seen and alcoholic like him recover. But then the young man asked if there was any hope. And that’s when Carl Jung talked about the spiritual experience. The answer to what’s wrong with us. The Twelve Steps of this program. The introduction to the spiritual life. A Higher Power, however each of us are able to make sense out of this individually. And, if I want to stay sober I had better find this solution.
And what drove me and my friend to seek this solution was the intolerable pain I was suffering from, as a result of drinking and being unable to stop. That led both of us to surrender. And that’s exactly what I said to the young man. I told him that I hoped he was in pain. Enough pain to do what we all need to do to surrender. He nodded and indicated he was. I can only hope, because we all know how easy it is to reject what is being offered to us, unless we are desperate enough.
Both of us were able to state how grateful we were for what we have been given. How great is the meeting after the meeting? I know how often over the years I have been given this opportunity to reinforce my commitment to this program and staying sober. And of course the thanks I have for all of this. To my Higher Power and the people I have known, like my friend today. I can only hope the young man will surrender and find the solution we have.
Late in the evening on 8-31-11 I was given the most precious gift I have ever recieved…the gift of desperation! That blessing allowed me to cry out in totally honesty and ask my higher power, that I choose to call God, to do for me what I could not do for myself. On 9-1-11 God blessed me again by removing the mental obsession to drink and the physical phenomenon of craving.
For 43 years I lived my life in the shadow of the liquid spirit of alcohol. Today I walk a spiritual path that is flooded with the spirit of the sunshine. One day at a time I am now able to face life on life’s terms.
As I continue to grow in the fellowship, I am learning to embrace everything and everyone free of the bondage of fear that kept me in the dark for so many years. What I know today is that if I continue to follow the path that Bill W., Dr. Bob, and the first 100 so clearly defined in the Big Book, great events will come to pass.