The question came up today what we need to do when we find ourselves depressed, distraught, and disturbed. Is there an answer? And the group kept coming up with good ones.
One of the other topics was “hope”. And that to me is the beginning of the answer. I learned that a long time ago. Took time to achieve continuity, but it does work. How can I forget that the last day drinking turned the blackness inside of me, my total despair and suicidal thoughts, into bright light? It was hope that came as a result of someone telling me there was an answer to the alcoholic bondage I was in. And then the first meeting where I found more hope, because I saw what had happened to the people in the room. They were sober and that’s what I needed and wanted.
That was just the beginning. I was going to have to learn how to put hope into action. Of course that came to me over time. Mistakes and errors in my thinking and actions brought my defects of character to the surface and hope would disappear. I know I went through some pretty rough times because my crazy ego was in charge and wanted to control everything. And, of course, the slogan that time takes time was what it was all about. I hadn’t grown up yet. As my sponsor told me I was insecure, immature, and oversensitive.
A perfect description for an alcoholic like me, who had stopped growing, when I picked up alcohol and began to drink and get drunk. Over and over again. Non stop for about twenty or more years. And yet, when I opened the BB and began reading The Doctor’s Opinion, I saw the story of what happened to that man, who was so helpless and hopeless, and yet came back to the doctor a year later and was so different that the doctor hardly recognized him. That’s what I hoped for myself.
About this time I began to listen to someone, who knew about spirituality. I had just begun the Second Step. What he taught me and others was that there was a solution to the condition described above. What was wrong with me and so many others coming into this program. He said that there were four things I needed to put into action in my life. Perseverance, hope, faith, and love. I had to learn never to quit no matter what. I then needed to learn to hope. And when what I hoped for became a reality I needed to acquire faith in my Higher Power. And then I needed to begin to exercise love. I needed to learn how to put the Twelfth Step into action. To acquire compassion instead of sympathy and to bring the solution we have found in here to others who are in need of it.
When I began to acquire these things in my life, my attitude changed. It was all the result of these Steps and the rest of the program. It was, of course, the spiritual way of life I was beginning to learn. As a result I began to mature for the first time in my life. I began to do what I could not do before. I began to grow up. Absolutely amazing for a drunk like me. But then I look around the rooms and know that most of us have gone through much of the same thing. Like they say, beyond our wildest dreams.
One other thing I learned from this spiritual man. That I have to maintain all four of these tools in my life, always. If I fail and drop one of them, they all will vanish. I must hang in and persevere. Hope and come to believe. To have faith. And then develop that compassion, love for others like myself. And even those I meet and live with.
It’s this solution, which came along with the spiritual awakening(s). It’s the answer to my alcoholism. My staying sober and living this way of life I never really knew about before. I am so grateful I have found what I have today. I’m sober and content no matter what.