Talking to an old friend today opened up a revelation to both of us. What was that? Guilt.
Amazing how we can find ourselves driven to do things, which drive us to the edge. And not even know why or what we’re doing. That’s what came up as we talked. Trying to take care and do things for two sisters, it comes out that it’s guilt, which pushes her. She didn’t know that until we were talking. Been going on for years.
I went back in my mind and that opened up a few things I find “hanging over my head”. Where did this stuff come from? We talked about it and it is probably some of the stuff Bill was talking about in the Eighth Step in the 12&12. The place where he talks about the unconscious mind and how it affected us and the damage it did to us and others. I had no trouble understanding that. No doubt in my mind that Bill was right.
I think it’s stuff we have to take to our Higher Power and turn it over. Part of being powerless over things we have no control over. Again the Serenity Prayer. Not always easy but it’s something I know I have to do everyday. Things are always popping up unannounced.
I know others who have told me of the same problems. Heavy weight if we don’t open up and share it and then seek the spiritual solutions this program offers us. For me it’s part of my staying sober.
Anyway what it did for me today was open my mind again to the value of sharing with one another and begin the process of doing something about things like this. Especially those we have no idea of where they came from. Like I said, I have talked about this kind of process with others for quite a while now.
One of the worst things about these things is the emotional burden it puts on each one of us. I know it can lead to a lot of rocky places within ourselves. When I think of this, as I was talking to another person today, it brought up how this stuff can make resentments appear by blaming others for what we’re going through. A lot of threatening junk, as far as our sobriety is concerned. I know I don’t want to have to carry that stuff around in me.
Anyway I was grateful for how both of us were made aware of what has been going on and what it is we need to do. A lot of Tenth Step work and then the Eleventh and perhaps other Steps. What this program is about.