When alcoholics in the rooms begin to contradict what this program has done for people like myself, I find it brings up a little heat within this alcoholic. This was one of those days.
One person was called on who had a day or so away from a drink and began to tell his story. He was stopped and told that he needed to listen to those who have stayed sober and are willing to share what they have learned in here. In other words the Fifth Tradition, the group’s primary purpose.
The subject today was raised by a person who happened to be struggling with putting off a drink. Again the Fifth Tradition. I remember when I came in and thought I knew everything, I was talking in a meeting and an old timer yelled out to me, “Shut up! You know how to drink, but you don’t know how to stay sober!” I always remember that night and that meeting. It was the beginning of a wake up call for me. I look back at that and have a lot of gratitude.
Not easy I know, but, like I said, I have a lot of thanks to that man. He said something I needed to hear. I recall how something within me took away the anger I began to feel. I remember I suddenly felt that what had been said was good for me. All I can think is that it was the beginning of someplace in the spiritual life I needed, which was soon to come, when my old sponsor introduced me to the Second Step.
I was able to talk to the person, who had brought up the topic today, after the meeting. I told them how I had been free of thoughts of a drink for about a year and a half after I came in. I was out to dinner with my wife’s family, who were all drinking, and it didn’t bother me. Then after dinner we went into the package store next to the restaurant, which was owned by the man who owned both. A friend of the family he told them to open the lockers to the beer and have a free drink each. They did and, knowing I was not drinking, they tossed me a coke. I caught it and had a sudden storm in my head. All of a sudden I not only wanted to drink but thought I’d kill anyone, who got in my way.
Fortunately for me my wife was standing next to me and knew there was something wrong from the look on my face. She asked me what was going on and I told her. She then told me to step outside and say a prayer and ask for help. I did and it worked. I never ever want to forget that moment. I really haven’t ever thought about a drink since that time. I am grateful for what she did and to my Higher Power for what he did.
It was certainly a lesson to this alcoholic that if I want to stay sober this program is here to help me to do that. Certainly what I learned in here. I cannot stay sober by myself. Each and everyday in here I try to go to meetings and stay in touch with all those, who are willing to help someone like me. And I hope I can do the same for them.
We were also reminded today about the Eleventh Step and how it can help each and everyone of us. That too I never ever want to forget, especially because I have been given so much help through that Step. Hopefully I can pass that along to others. I know I try.
Again I have to stop and think what was so freely given to me by all those old timers back when I came in and all those around today, who are all willing to help keep someone like me on the path I need to be on. Each and everyday I need to remember why I am here. I am here to stay sober this day. It’s all I have at the moment. And I am thankful to my Higher Power and everyone through all this time.