Lately I have been reminded of something which bothered me early on in this program, for quite a while, before I learned to walk past it. Being over sensitive or maybe supersensitive.
Words and looks could set me off. Maybe not physically, but definitely mentally and emotionally. I have had a lot of friends in here, who went through the same thing. Suffering from anger, self pity, anxiety, fear, resentments, and possibly more. Again the size of our egos is amazing.
I know when I came in I was definitely paranoid. I felt that when people spoke away from me, or looked over and laughed, that they were talking about me. Making fun and looking for trouble. And, of course, nothing was further from the truth I found out.
The reason I was thinking about this today is that it makes me worry about some taking a drink, even though they may not want to. I sure have seen that in the past. But I also know how difficult these thoughts and feelings within us can get us into troubled thinking and feelings.
Of course my thoughts go right to the Second Step. Not just the restoration to sanity, but also the spiritual way of life and the hope and faith in my Higher Power, which has made all the difference. And then there are some of those closest to us, beginning with our sponsor and friends we may have made.
I know that I had to listen to and learn from my sponsor and his experiences. And I learned a whole lot more from my friends, who often had the same experiences I did. Further more, once again time takes time. Moreover the meetings helped me more than I can really tell.
Talk about meeting makers making it. I know the meetings I went to were what began to lighten up and turn things around for me. I think I’ve mentioned this before, that I would be weighed down with stuff inside of me and by the end of meetings I would find myself relieved and the weight was removed. Part of the spiritual way of life in here.
Anyway I know that one of the things which began to help me over time was trying to remember that I can only stay sober one day at a time. Just how important this day is to me. It’s all I’ve got. I have to focus during this day at times on how my Higher Power and the people in here are helping me to stay sober. Plus I know I never ever want to drink again.
So here I am focusing on my gratitude I have for all those who have helped me over time to stay sober. I owe my Higher Power so much. And I have my close good friends, who have reinforced me again and again and helped me to learn to change from what I was at one time. And then all those others I have met and been helped by. Thanks so much. I cannot say that enough.