My existence in sobriety has been quite amazing. Not only have I been given freedom from drinking alcohol, but so many other gifts I have received. One of them is peace. Another happiness. Then serenity. And the list goes on. But there is one which sometimes seems to want to knock my head off.
I came in here completely a wreck, when I look back. I was totally immature. I had never grown up. Here I was married, with children, and a complete mess. I was totally fearful. I never wanted to drink again, but I had my enormous ego and all my emotions out of control. I also had my “thinking” in my way and my mouth, which wanted others to know what it was I thought I knew. On top of that I was hiding in the darkness within me.
And then with the help of my sponsor I woke up. I mean I came to understand some things which had escaped me in my life. One of them was the introduction into this spiritual way of life through that Second Step. And this opened the door to the rest of this program.
Over the years I have found myself awakening again. And then again. I would find myself waking up to new realizations about my life in here. And, if I haven’t done that recently, I know I probably will be awakened again. A realization which has eluded me will come to the surface.
And what are these “awakenings”? For me, new realizations about myself. On the one hand they are reliefs I needed. On the other they allow me to continue to put this program into action, which will allow me to grow along spiritual lines and progress in here. I become aware of things within me of which I have been ignorant. Sometimes a realization and knowledge of faults within me.
Anyway I was reminded of these “wake up calls” I find along the way, when I was talking to a couple of people and listening in the meeting today. I finally got home and sat down and began to think about my being able to stay sober a day at a time. And then these thoughts came to the surface. I knew we were talking about these things, but all of a sudden they became clear.
Perhaps they are spiritual awakenings or just plain facts I had missed along the way. I know I was told that as long as I stay sober and in this program that I will always be learning. Or I should. I do know that they often bring relief to me. Things which I didn’t understand until the moment I suddenly wake up. Makes me grateful.
One thing I know which makes me grateful is in the Eleventh Step. Waking up to things I could only guess were there and seeing them for “the first time” so to speak. I do know that I believe they have been shown to me by my Higher Power, with the help of someone else in this program. Usually close friends in here with whom I share and they in return with me.
Anyway just need to express my thanks for all that has been given to me from above and right next to me.