Talking to a new man today, he just stopped drinking, I was curious how he was doing. I mean I know how it was with me and a whole lot more in here. I was in such pain, suffering, despair, my whole insides were black. I had tried, but couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I tried. I was prepared to kill myself. I couldn’t go on.
I told him I hoped he was in pain. Suffering. Having a desire not to just stop the pain, but his drinking. I told him how it was with me and I hoped it was that way for him also. I surrendered. I just couldn’t go on. I prayed for the first time in years and let go and let God, as I understood him at that time. Not the program. That came later.
I also told him that if he wasn’t in pain and didn’t need to stop drinking that there was a bar next door and he was welcome to go over there.
I know how it was for most of those I have known in here. They were at the end of their rope. Like myself they surrendered. Not always like myself. Sometimes it took them coming in here and getting their heads cleared up enough to see what was happening to them.
That surrender was the key for me. If I hadn’t been given hope by a friend that there was a solution, I probably would have ended my life that day. I’m so grateful for him, the bartender who stopped me from going out and bringing him over. I’m also grateful for the man from the program, who had caught him drinking on the job and told him about the program. And, of course, my Higher Power, who answered my prayer and took the alcohol away from me.
As the meeting went on today I couldn’t help but hope that this man would do for himself what we all had to do. I told him about the BB and how when I came in I was given one and read the Doctor’s Opinion and for the first time came to understand what was wrong with me. I never knew anything about alcoholism, especially as a disease. Even though my mind was still a mess I could understand that. I guess because I desperately needed an answer.
Anyway I was glad that we all had an opportunity to talk to this man today. If nothing else I know it was another chance for someone like me to practice this Twelfth Step in here. Part of that Fifth Tradition. Made me aware of the spiritual part of this program. The Third Step prayer and the Eleventh Step.
Made me very much aware of why I am here to begin with. Another reminder to me that I cannot stay sober by myself. I need all the help I can get. I was certainly receiving that help today. Once again it made me aware of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober this day.
I was also reminded within that I needed only talk about the First Step. I often think when we continue on with the other Steps, like the spiritual part of this program that it’s often something which may drive people like me away. Sounds like a religion. Of course it’s not, but it’s all what a person like me at that time might reject. I know others who eventually got back in this program, who told me that they didn’t want to get involved with religion. Time enough for the Second and Third Steps.
Anyway was most grateful for the opportunity I was presented with today. I need to freely give away what was freely given to me.