My anniversary date is tomorrow and a lot of thoughts came up today. We had a young lad, who is fairly new and was going through a lot of confused thoughts. And that reminded me of my entrance into here. In fact I was talking to another long time sober alcoholic, whom I have known from way back. We were talking about this stuff today, as were others.
I know I tried to pass my thoughts along to the young man. I’m not sure that he picked up on them. Too bad, if he did miss them. And that’s because I hope he won’t go back out and drink because of his confused thoughts. Like I said, I can sure go back and remember what it was like at the very beginning. Most of my friends are the same.
I tried to remember what it was that trapped me into this junk within me. I guess part of it was my fear. I had been freed of alcohol, as a result of my surrendering to wanting to never ever drink alcohol again. My having made a decision to commit suicide, because alcohol owned me. And the hope I was given, which brought about the surrender to my Higher Power/
But I guess I was afraid to listen to the people in here, because I was already confused and didn’t want anymore crazy thoughts in my head. I was also afraid of the people in here. I was sure they didn’t like me or want to help me. Besides I thought I knew everything anyway and didn’t need any information.
And the list went on.
Fortunately, the man, who became my old sponsor, was aware of what happened, when my first sponsor went back out and drank again and died. He had already been in contact with me and he stepped in and started to wake me up. Took time, but it worked. And he’s the one who opened the door for me in here. He introduced me to the Second Step, the concept of a Higher Power, and the spiritual way of life in here.
Anyway, new people always have difficulty getting past their thoughts and junk within themselves. At least I know a whole lot of those, who have had the same kinds of experiences with this stuff. But the fact that they are still sober today is because they found the answers we all so desperately need. That’s where the necessity of having an experienced sponsor, as well as the inner desire to remain sober.
I know, when I go back and read that paragraph in the 24 Hour a Day book on the Third Step, it makes me grateful to have been given the gift of sobriety in my life. I definitely feel I need to focus on this day. This is the day I’m supposed to stay sober. I was told that I’m not to go beyond this day. Not to project, nor to go back and think of how I would feel, if I had future plans, which I’m not supposed to think about. Not today anyway.
So, here I am filled with gratitude to my Higher Power, the program itself, and all the people in here, who have helped me to change. I owe them my thanks.