Those early difficulties were talked about today. Like so many in here, I can well remember what it was like, when I walked through these doors. For one thing I was paranoid. Fear, anxiety, anger, resentments, all filled my head and I tried to avoid the people in here. Not easy.
One of those “feelings” early on was mentioned today. And that was my feeling like I was on a “spiritual cloud”. Don’t ask me where this came from. But a couple admitted the same thing. And, as I remember it, I fell off that cloud and hit the deck and felt lost at that time.
But I am still grateful for the help I got, which started me to begin to live a spiritual way of life. That began with the Second Step, as it did for most everyone. And then the Third, which started me into the rest of the Steps. I never forgot that moment. I know I’ve told this before. But there I was mixed up on the God concept. Just stuck. And that’s when two people in a Third Step meeting opened the door for me. One woman asked her sponsor what God’s will was for her. And her sponsor responded, “The next 9 Steps.” That knocked the wind out of me, but it opened the door and I stepped through it and began.
One of those things which helped me early on in here was my old sponsor and a lot of those old timers, who told me what I was going through was just the way things are for people like us. I was told I needed to hang in and not give up. I didn’t and I began to experience a lifting up within after a while in here. I still stumbled, but I was “lifted up” by others sharing with me.
However I think one of the gifts we have been given is that we need to go through these things because they are the result of our drinking and the actions which came with that. I know it helped me to definitely decide I never wanted to drink alcohol ever again. And coming out the other side and starting to experience peace and happiness amazed me.
Anyway I know we all have to go through these things, but it also is part of what is freely given to us. The Twelfth Step. And it opened the door again for me to start to freely give to others like myself.
Makes me grateful to my Higher Power, this program, and the people in here, who so freely gave to me. Never want to forget.