Today was a great AA meeting. It was about two of the Steps, Ten and Eleven. And the talk by everyone in there was on these two Steps and how they’ve worked in their lives and no personal problems. Loved it.
One of the things, which came to mind, was how that Tenth Step began to correct my life. Never want to forget that. And what it was came to me in the Twelve and Twelve, the spiritual axiom. That whenever I’m disturbed, there’s something wrong with me.
And that reminded me of the Serenity Prayer again. If I am aware I cannot change anyone else, then why would I be disturbed? And the answer was that I had to step back and change. Otherwise my defects, the negative emotions, would have me judging each and everyone all the time. And the truth is that, whenever I’m reacting, it’s me who is having the problem. I have to remember to let others go and take care of my thinking and reactions. My defects.
And I guess that’s why my old sponsor and those other old timers kept telling me that I needed to think with my head and not my heart. Not my feelings. That’s the way I was back, when I was drinking. I always blamed everyone, when I got angry, resentful, fearful, anxiety ridden, I wasn’t the problem. Of course that was wrong. My dishonesty and ego made me think that way.
This is where the Tenth Step came in and began to help me to change. Didn’t happen overnight. Time took time. But it worked. It made me learn to back off and examine myself and not others. Like the prayer said, I was not in charge of others. I could only deal with my own defects. And in time I began to be aware of my faults and not that of others, if even they were at fault. It was my reactions.
And, of course, all of his led to prayer and meditation. Examination of my dishonesty, and my being able to accept my faults, and being willing to change. Being willing to let go of others and willing to change myself. Asking my Higher Power to help me and empower me to learn to think and react different than the way I was used to. To help me to forgive others and myself. To let go, and, as they say, let God. Then to hopefully step back and be quiet. The Eleventh Step.
Anyway I needed to stop and think about all of this. Like I said, it was a really helpful meeting. I heard so many afterward talking about the benefits they got from this meeting. A great reminder of why I was there to start with. To stay sober this day. Made me very grateful. I need to thank my Higher Power and all those, who have guided me to where I am today.