It’s absolutely amazing how a subject at a meeting can take over and dominate. That’s because it hits everyone in the room and gets them involved. Why? Because it is one of those, which everyone can identify with because they’ve all been through it. And what’s that? The desire to drink again, despite time and effort in this program.
I know what all this meant to me. That statement in the BB spelled it out for me, after I ran into this myself. That’s the one that tells us that the time may come for us, when we’ll have no mental defense against that first drink, and no one can really help us, except for our Higher Power. And I learned that, like I said, before I read that statement.
I was in a family affair, when everyone was offered free drinks at this restaurant, They took them and then tossed a soda over to me. I caught it and suddenly found myself in a rage. I was going to drink and I would kill anyone, who got in my way. My wife, standing next to me, saw something in my face, and asked me what was going on. I told her, but was still fired up. That’s when she said to me, why don’t you step outside and say a prayer. I hadn’t thought about that, but I knew it was what I needed. I did and it worked. Never forgot that and am still grateful to my ex for what she did , which I think saved my life.
When I think about these things I still go back to what my old sponsor’s widow told me. She said that I had to think of myself as number one in this program. That’s because no one can stay sober for me. Only I can do that. If I’m not focused on my staying sober I’m in trouble. I have to remember each and everyday that’s what I need to do. Today I began it with prayers and going to a meeting. Relating to those in a meeting like this, which was again a wake up call for me. My being able not only to listen to others in this meeting, but sharing my own thoughts and experiences. And then talking to other alcoholics like myself. And later, like now, sitting down and thinking about my need to stay sober and the help I can get.
All this makes me grateful. How much I owe my Higher Power, this program, and all the alcoholics in here, who over time have freely helped me. Never want to forget that. Thanks to all. Hopefully I can reach out to others and help them.