Today in our meeting we were reminded of the problems self will had led us into. Of course it was completely dominant while I was drinking. But then I was able to give up alcohol and surrender to my Higher Power and eventually this program. Then I came in and did all over again what I had done most of my life. Not to ask for help or directions. And that helped to trip me up and find myself stumbling around. I needed to change and I had to find out how to do this.
One would think that my surrender to the God of my understanding of my alcoholism was what I needed to change my life, but it did stop me from drinking. However the rest of my life was in peril I was not aware of. I was not listening to others. I was not asking for help. I was making all my own decisions. And I was in darkness and confused, but not admitting it. And then I was given what I so desperately needed.
The alcoholic death of two sober men, who had gone out drinking again, because they were overwhelmed with their resentments, shocked me. They each had ten years or more in this program, and one was my first sponsor. I did remember reading about this threat to alcoholics like me in the BB. Now I was driven to become willing to let go of my trying to control my life. It wasn’t working, I finally discovered.
And this led me to my new sponsor and helped me to become willing to follow his help. I now knew that I had to begin to change, but I had no idea how to do this. And that is where I began to stop thinking that I knew what to do and begin to listen and find a new way of living. And that’s where the Second Step and the Third came into my life. Not an overnight exercise. I had to first begin to learn how to listen to those who knew how to stay sober and live a sober life. Otherwise I might end up just like those two men, who had just passed away in their alcoholism.
I finally learned I had to begin to live a spiritual way of life and open up to begin to believe in a Higher Power, a God of my understanding. I also had to learn not to just read the BB. I was told that I had to study it. I had to go to frequent meetings and to keep my mouth shut, because I knew nothing about working this program and putting it into action in my life. The meetings I went to were about working this program and not mine or others personal problems. I had to learn how to follow directions of how this program worked and listen to the example of those who were sober as a result of this program. And I had to accept that all of this was not an overnight event. That time was going to take time. I had to learn to have the patience I needed. To do what I was told to do.
So far it has worked. I have changed. I learned to follow directions. I had to accept what I was being given. The Steps were slowly put into action in my life. What I once thought I knew was thrown out of my life through these Steps. I learned to begin to pray and meditate. To become willing to follow the will of my Higher Power. To live a spiritual life one day at a time and stay sober.
Over time I have been given peace and happiness. I have been restored to sanity and I have received a spiritual awakening. The promises of this program have been given to me. And much more seems to be with me over my life in here. And I have been given hope, faith, and love. I’ve grown in gratitude and compassion for others. I have found out what I need to do and how to do it. To reach out and give what I have been given. And I have learned not just the Third Step Prayer, but also the Serenity Prayer.
Finally I need to give thanks to my Higher Power, this program, and the men and women, who have reached out and helped me to stay sober. I only know I need to continue to help others just like I was. Thanks.