Tonight I had a long talk with a young man, who is committed to staying sober. We talked about some of the problems we all have to face in this program. And the main one is one we all have to face from time to time. And that was anger and resentments.
Anyway I knew exactly what that was and how in the past, when I was drinking how much that overwhelmed me and how much it was that I dragged into these rooms with me. Not only that, but that negative emotion, resentment, still haunted me. I was given a lot of help in this defect was dominating my life. And that’s when I learned that I was carrying a very heavy weight on my shoulders and I was going to have to find a solution or, like the BB pointed out, it could get me drunk again and end up in death.
Part of the help I needed came from my sponsor, and the BB. I learned from my sponsor and the book that I had to learn how to surrender and put the spiritual life into action. I discovered I need to pray and ask for help from my Higher Power. I also needed to step back and take charge of my life in a positive way and not let this very negative defect control my thoughts and my life. I also was referred to a number of things I needed to study in the BB, which began to help me to start to change. And I got help from spiritual people, who knew exactly what I was suffering from.
Over time in here I began to change and stop listening to myself. I had to learn how to stop my day and start it over again in a positive manner. Part of that was learning to not take myself seriously, one of my over sized ego faults. I had to learn to laugh at myself. To begin to think in a positive way. One of those things I began to do was to laugh at myself, plus learning to pray for those I often found myself blaming.
And often I had to talk to someone, who had a lot of time and success in this program. From them I learned how to put this spiritual way of life into action. Plus I needed to stop trying to control, and to learn to become dependent. I also learned from them that no matter how committed I was in this program that I was going to have to face the fact that I was a human alcoholic and not a saint. I had to learn that no matter how committed I was to working this program in my life I was going to find I would stumble over my defects and tumble and fall. I was told I was going to have to learn to pick myself off the ground and dust myself off and begin to start my day over again. To be positive and to begin to stop hating others and in time to forgive them, if need be, or not to blame those, who I had blamed, but had done nothing.
Anyway I needed to stop and think about all of this. It made me realize how I needed to stop and remember I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I need to pray and thank my Higher Power for all the gifts and help I have been given. I also know I need to continue to try to grow open with all those around me and to be peaceful and caring, as well as grateful.