Had a great meeting today, where we talked about why we are here. But more than that and it made me think about the Third Step. The prayer. And it was that prayer which made be to start to change. Before the words in that prayer I wasn’t really conscious of what was wrong with me. And it really didn’t hit me right away. And that was the word “bondage”.
The bondage of self. Wow! It took time, but when I finally woke up and became aware how tied up I was within my own ego. I had begun to learn how egotistical we alcoholics were. Not an easy realization. And that’s because, as the BB and those old timers pointed out, that we alcoholics suffered from huge over sized egos. They felt that they had to help cut our egos down to size. And they did mine, as they did to so many like myself.
One of the things I began to learn was exercising a spiritual way of life. I had to learn that I was not in control. I was here, I found out, to be of service to my Higher Power. I had to back off and learn that I was not in charge. My Higher Power, the God of my understanding, was who I needed to serve. His will and not mine. That was a wake up call all over again.
One of the things I had to learn again and again, that I was sober, but it was a gift and not something I controlled. I had to learn that all these good things I was receiving were gifts to my being willing to change my life from what it was like, when I walked through these doors in here. I had to learn that I had to learn how to live a spiritual way of life. And that was not easy for a self centered egotistical alcoholic like myself. I had to learn so much over and over again. However one of the great gifts I had been given was peace and happiness. A spiritual awakening. A freedom from bondage of alcohol.
But again I have to go back and remind myself of what I learned from those old timers. My old sponsor. That I was not a saint. I’m a human alcoholic and that I am subject for the rest of my life, of stumbling, and bumbling, and tumbling over my defects. I was told that I had to learn how to pick myself up and dust myself off and start my day over again. From the negative to the positive. Not always easy, but do-able, if I’m willing to continue to stay sober a day at a time.
I had to learn why I am here. Not just to stay sober, but to help others like myself to get sober. to get out of myself and help to freely give what was freely given to me. And that was love and compassion. And all of this began to make me realize what a great gift I had been given, which made me go back and come to realize the hope, faith, and love which I had received and needed to practice a day at a time.
So, I had to stop and think about all of this and to begin to practice gratitude. To thank my Higher Power,and to be grateful to this program and all those in here, who have helped me to continue to grow.. .