Today I was surprised by our lead. One was the Fourth Step and the other was the Twelfth. Anyway I talked about the Fourth at first. But later on it suddenly hit me. I had worked the Fourth fairly early and then found later on that I had forgotten a lot of stuff. For a moment I wondered if I was wrong. I then I realized I was.
As time went on in this program I found I was writing in notebooks. I did that for years, and though I put in my current life, and the quotes from books, and then my thoughts, and finally things I had forgotten in my Fourth Step. I then remembered I had gotten rid of a lot of stuff. In fact I was struck by a thought I had back years ago.
I had been talking to my youngest daughter, and after she went home, I decided I needed to write some thoughts. I picked up the latest notebook and started to write and was suddenly struck. There was something about the thought I had. It caused me to go back and look in one of the older notebooks. I went through it and discovered the same thought I had begun to write about one of those old thoughts. Then I went through a half dozen old note books and finally found exactly, not only the same thought, but the same words. I went on and discovered the same thought in the same words in another two or three note books.
It opened the door to help me rid myself of that thought from the past. I hadn’t even realized it at the time. I did and can’t even begin to think about it again. It’s gone. Makes me grateful. I was glad that I did those notebooks back then. In fact when I stopped writing them I went into the computer note book I have today.
Anyway I know those old notebooks got rid of my Fourth and then my Fifth. In fact my old sponsor and myself began to press others like myself to do the same thing. I even suggest that to some now. I know some of them still do this and I can tell it helps them.
I’m glad that I had that thought today, because it was really a relief I felt I needed. Made me grateful. And that reminded me of how I began my day. Prayed and committed myself to my Higher Power and staying sober today, as I do on all the days so far in here. And part of that for me is writing down my thoughts. Some of which is really like the Twelfth Step for me. Being able to open my own life and thoughts about the past and now the present, hopefully to help alcoholics like myself.
I’ll stop and give thanks to my Higher Power and all those old timers and my sponsor, who helped me to work these Steps and stay sober. And, as always, I have to be grateful to all in here, who have helped me from day to day. I need to say thanks.