This is one of those days which drove me to the Third Step. All about self. The Third Step prayer, the “self”, “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will”.
When I first came in here, it was all about me. My self was in the lead. My “controls”. I can never forget that. Yet the miracle was the old timers in here, who helped me change. Not all at once. Time took time, as it always does. But after a period of time I got an old timer. He became my guide. My leader, who helped me to change.
I felt sorry for him after a while. My junk was a huge stumbling block. Yet he had patience and a strong presence. Talk about an example of the Third Step prayer, where he was actually relieved of the bondage of self. And that was his willingness to put up with me and gradually guide me,
He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That was a wake up call for me. I knew he had hit the nail on the head. He told me that whatever it was that I had learned, I was to leave it outside the doors to this program. I needed to empty my mind and my heart and come in and listen and learn what it was I needed to know to stay sober a day at a time.
Somehow I knew what he was telling me was the truth. Yet, like this program tell us, time takes time. I had to learn to back up and come in, and despite my arrogance, I had to begin to listen. Not easy, but, as I learned in here, do-able.
He helped me to open the door, not just to the Steps, but this very spiritual way of life. To help me to be willing to turn my will and my life over to a Power greater than myself. What was to be my Higher Power, the God of my understanding. It didn’t happen over night, but, though time took time again, it began to grow within.
Anyway, I had to begin to open my ears and listen. He also told me that I wasn’t to read the BB. I was to “study it”! And that’s what I started to do. I am so grateful. I learned to shut up, and to stop myself from trying to control. But it was mainly his example which began to help me to change.
He was the one, who showed me how I was to live this program one day at at time. My sobriety. He taught me how I was to stay in this day, each and everyday. I had to learn to practice how not to project. It was the “now”, this moment, which was important. What is the future cannot be allowed into my mind. Nor the past either. If my mind began to wander away from where I was, he would ask me where I was at the moment. To look at where my feet were and not wander off.
Anyway I needed to sit down and think about this once again. It helps me to stay and grow in the moment. But he also reminded me of what those old timers told us. That we are not saints. We are human alcoholics, who are going find themselves stumbling and bumbling from time to time. Being run by negative emotions, and having to stop and back up and pray, turning our minds over to our Higher Power. Changing our day and starting it over again. To become positive and putting this program into action. I am grateful.