Probably one of the most difficult things we were told we had to face was surrender. Not just surrender, but total surrender. One hundred percent. This for the true alcoholic is a great challenge. I have seen this over and over again in here.
I’ve seen others, like myself, who were suffering despair and seeking to commit suicide, because we could not stop drinking, who were given hope, and then surrendered. And it worked for us. I know it did for me.
An alcoholic friend of mine, who had heard that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together, passed this along to me, when I was on my way to end my life. That was what opened the door for me, to go off and pray and give my drinking alcohol over to the God of my understanding. Totally.
I not only turned my drinking alcohol over, but also my life. To do whatever my Higher Power wanted me to do. To offer my whole life. The next day alcohol was gone. I never want to forget that.
The reason I frequently stop and think about this, is because we often run across people, who come in, and go past that First Step over and over again and again. Though I totally surrendered, I know, when I meet and hear these alcoholics, I know they were just like me out there. They can’t really stop drinking. I do know that, when we are like that, total despair, desperately needing hope, is the answer. Like I said, it was for me.
That is why I believe someone like me needs a solid, long time member of this program, who knows what we have to do. That was my old sponsor. He opened my mind, and showed me what it was I needed to do. I never knew I could follow directions, since I was a control freak to begin with. He helped me to change and to begin to learn what it was I definitely needed to do. I learned that I had to surrender a day at a time. Over and, over again and again.
Anyway, I had to stop and think about this, because I was once again a witness to this. I could only hope that something will help another alcoholic to face what we all need to face. To be able to step back and give up alcohol. To learn to listen. To have the humility we all need. Ego deflation in depth, as I was shown.
On the other hand I have to stop and be grateful for the gift I have received from my Higher Power and this program. The people in here, who have given me what I so desperately needed. The love and compassion so freely given to me. I know that I am not in charge, but I do care. And I can hope, one day at a time.