How painful some of our passages in sobriety can be at times. I know that I have gone through some of these. I also know from experience that somehow I always was able, through the help of others to get through these times. Not only that, but there was always something of value at the other end. Something I probably would not have received, if I had not found the willingness to endure. That I know came from my higher power and others, who helped me.
I was drawn to think about those times by something someone told me today.
I think I recently recalled how closed up I was, when I came here. I wouldn’t offer anyone the truth about me, if they put a gun to my head and demanded I be forthcoming. That was the way I had always been before the program. Then to come in and hear others talking about themselves in such a forthright manner was a stunner for me. What? Were they crazy?
But that is one of the ways I learned, which could gradually get me through whatever it was that I was going through. Finding a sober person, one with much experience. But also finding spiritual guidance from someone who has lived through life in the spirit for a long time and understands.
Another close friend in this program and I were talking about this very thing. Talking, Talking, Talking. Opening up and then listening to those, who are well grounded in the program and who understand. Not that I will always receive guidance, but just in emptying out, I am open to insights I would never have gotten, if I hadn’t talked.
Such talk is not the solution. But it is a portion of the solution. A part of the 10th Step, so to speak. And as a result, it is a natural introduction to the 11th Step. Seeking a conscious contact with God and then to sit quietly and listen. Meditation. Like every solution in here, it is spiritual.
Desperation is not the answer, even though I might feel desperate. Wanting to get whatever is over. Of course there’s always a drink. These hard and difficult times seem to want to push someone like me to the brink. But, like the old saying, haste makes waste, that would just be what it is. Instead, it’s like I learned in the military, hurry up and wait. Patience. It turns out to be in God’s time not mine.
Over time, I have learned that there are other levels, layers, below the words in those 12 Steps. Like my friend today said, peeling back a layer like an onion. Going deeper than the appearances. If we will but look, there are more answers than we get at the first look.
As I once again talked to the person, who was going through this agony, I heard from them a sense of freedom from what they were experiencing. It reminded me of something I learned a long time ago in this program. That whatever it is we’re experiencing is the result of our own doing. Often it comes unconsciously, because I am not paying attention. A reminder that I have to be vigilant. Not out of fear, but in the sense that I have a primary purpose, which is part and parcel of my sobriety. To stay sober and help another alcoholic.
Anyway, thinking about this today, made me go back a look at all I have been given in this program. Makes me truly grateful and willing to continue down this path. A reminder, as a friend always says, nothing is worth a drink today.