Something really interested me today. It was a question that was proposed as a topic for the meeting today. It did involve sobriety, but it also brought up the question of our honesty. Not necessarily rigorous honesty, but simple honesty.
What interested me was a question I had in my own mind. Did the person who brought up the topic get what he wanted or did he get what he needed? I mean what was he listening to? And more importantly what was I listening to?
It made me think about how I was, when I was probably at the same place this person was. I used to go to the meetings at that time to try to hear something, which would make me comfortable. Something I wanted to hear. Fear was my motivation. I was afraid at that time to change. I really didn’t want to give up my old ideas, which I was used to instead of doing what this program asked of me. To change. Change scared me at that time.
A number of people talked about the spiritual aspect of this program. I remembered that’s what brought about the change. That 2nd Step. Getting hope and finding a higher power. The fear I had began to melt, as I began to get faith and eventually trust. Then I could hear what I often didn’t want to. But it was exactly what I needed.
This always reminds me of the woman in the BB, who wrote that she didn’t always get what she wanted in the program, but she always got what she needed. And she said, when she got what she needed, she found out it’s what she wanted all along.
One of the things that this person was told was how dangerous not being honest was. He was told that this definitely could lead to a drink, as others told him what happened to them. That wonderful example of sharing experience, strength, and hope. Particularly younger members, who spoke of the warning that alcohol for the alcoholic is a killer.
Anyway, though I wondered, I know that I definitely heard what I needed. I didn’t want to hear anything else.