I can remember my sponsor asking me, when I was frantic early on with having to pay a bill, “Do you know where your feet are?” It was late at night and there was no way I could do anything about it at the moment. But I wasn’t in the moment. I was way out there someplace else.
Staying in the moment, right now, still can get away from me. I remember talking to people, who told me that when they had gone on vacation that the vacation itself was anti climatic. That was because they had spent so much time before they went on it, thinking about what it was going to be like. They had made the plans, but were looking forward to the outcome.
It’s kind of like expectations. The root of many of my potential resentments. When things didn’t turn out as I projected they would.
I was thinking about this this morning as I was preparing to pray and meditate. My question for myself was am I present at the moment, or is my mind someplace else. Too often it is. Staying in the moment requires my paying attention. Willingness. To know where my feet are.
We tell each other to stay in the day. That we stay sober a day at a time. But I need to be reminded of that often. That’s what meetings help me to do. They bring me back into the present and in the present I can hear the messages I need to hear. One of them is to always stay in the now.
How often I have heard that I can’t wash tomorrow’s dirty dishes today. Of course I can’t, but my mind can drift into the future and I miss what is going on right in front of me.
Sometimes the present moment is unpleasant and I want to escape. However I have often discovered the reason it is is because my mind can enlarge my thoughts out of all proportion, when I find I have to face something I don’t like. Paying bills is one of them.
The BB talks about eternal vigilance being the price of sobriety. That means to me that I have to be present in the now. Right here at the moment. Do I want to stay sober? Then pay attention.
That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy life in the moment. Of course I do. That’s one of the benefits of being sober. To realize how blessed I have been by my higher power and to give thanks for all these moments I have been given, free of the bondage of alcohol. I hope that’s what I’m doing right now.