One of those things I need to go back to and remind myself is what the fifth chapter How It Works tell us. The capacity to be honest. That was something which I failed at in the beginning. I didn’t drink, but I sure was out of control within when I came here.
I was thinking about this today at the meeting, because one of the people who brought up a topic wanted to talk about a relationship. He didn’t have all that time. My first thought was that we are not counselors and we need to concentrate on staying sober. That’s what that Fifth Tradition is all about. Carrying the AA message to the alcoholic who still is suffering. Whether new or old.
I was reminded of the lack of honesty I had when I walked through these doors. I look back and I remember how my old sponsor and those old timers in here were able to knock my self centered swollen ego down and got me to begin to listen to what worked in here to keep us sober. And my need to get honest, if I wanted to stay sober.
And, of course, that’s where the need to begin to learn and live a spiritual way of life came into the picture for me. I’m sure there are those who tire of my talking about that Second Step in here, which changed my life. I can’t forget how my sponsor was responsible for getting me to finally read that fourth chapter We Agnostics and the introduction to my Higher Power and this spiritual way of life. Amazing how this began to change my whole life. The introduction to the other Steps.
I always go back and remember how I was stumbling over the Third Step and analyzing everything and could not make sense out of anything until I heard that woman in a meeting on that step ask her sponsor what God’s will for her was. Her sponsor simply said, the other nine Steps. That stopped my crazy thinking and opened the door for me. I could stop lying to myself and put this program into action. What a blessing.
I went back to the first paragraph in the fifth chapter and read how so many often cannot give themselves to this simple program because they are incapable of being honest with themselves. So often that means that they cannot stop drinking no matter how hard others try to help them get sober. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer. The things we cannot change. Being powerless and having to accept the truth, especially when we’re trying to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
When I came home and sat down and thought about all of this I had to not only accept what the Serenity Prayer said, I had to be grateful for all those in here who helped me to turn my life around, with the support of my Higher Power. Not always an easy process for this chronic alcoholic, whose ego wanted to control everything. I have to thank those who were willing to deflate my ego.
With the help of so many I began to listen and learn what it was I needed to know so that I could begin to change my life, if I wanted to stay sober. And that’s exactly what I had to think about today. It doesn’t matter what problems I might find myself in in this program. They really are not important, as long as I can stay away from a drink of alcohol a day at a time. I have learned in here that as long as I do that my Higher Power will enable me to continue to live this way of life, if I surrender and let go and trust in Him.
Like so many in the room today I was so grateful for all I have been given in this program. I had to think about the Eleventh and Twelfth Steps in the room and when I got home. To practice these spiritual principles in all of my affairs. That was the AA message I needed to hear in the meeting. I can only hope that those desperate enough to listen heard the same thing.
Once again I have to remember to be grateful and give thanks to my Higher Power and my friends and all those who have helped me to be able to stay sober a day at a time.